do not take life

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”

– Unknown

“Laughter is the best medicine.” This quote truly defines why we must laugh and enjoy ourselves, even at the most critical times. Laughter reduces stress and brings forth the power to hold on.

These funny quotes will surely spread positive vibes and give you the quick booster dose to get up and move on.

So, we got you covered whenever you are looking to have a good laugh.

Funny Quotes on Life

Whether it’s an impulsive observation of a funny happening, a wordplay, or witty old sayings, these quotes always remind us of one common thread we share in life.

do not take life

“Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.”

Elbert Hubbard

“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with’em latter.”

– Mitch Hedberg

“I finally realized that people are prisoners of their phones… that’s why it’s called “cell” phone.”

– Unknown

“Some people just need a high-five. In the face with a chair.”

– Unknown

“I want someone who will look at me the same way I look at chocolate cake.”

– Unknown

“My body has absorbed so much soap, sanitizer and disinfectant, that now when I pee, it cleans the toilet.”

– Unknown

“My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.”

– Unknown

“I want to live in a world where searching for plane tickets burns calories.”

– Unknown

“Life is hard; it’s harder if you’re stupid.”

John Wayne

“I’m such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.”

– Woody Allen

“The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.”

– Gore Vidal

“A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he’s finished.”

– Zsa Zsa Gabor

“If you want to change the world, do it while you’re single. Once you’re married you can’t even change the TV Channel.”

– Anonymous

“It’s amazing how you can have to worst day ever, but still laugh at yourself when you push a door that says pull.”

– Anonymous

“What do people do with all the extra time they save by writing ‘k’ instead of ‘ok’?”

– Anonymous

“Half the world is composed of idiots, the other half of people clever enough to take indecent advantage of them.”

– Walter Kerr

“When I die, I want to die like my grandfather who died peacefully in his sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in his car.”

– Will Rogers

“Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”

William James

“I don’t always tolerate stupid people. But when I do, I’m probably at work.”

– Anonymous

“I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently ‘a way out’ wasn’t the right answer.”

– Unknown

Short Funny Quotes

These short and peppy one-liners are sure to make you laugh loud enough that your neighbors might call 911 to report you for being crazy.

my stomach is flat

“My stomach is flat. The “L” is just silent.”

– Unknown

“I use to think I was indecisive. But now I’m not too sure.”

– Unknown

“Alexa… clean the house.”

– Unknown

“I’m not short! My height is just cute.”

– Unknown

“I’m nicer when I like my outfit.”

– Unknown

“I’m not lazy. I’m on energy-saving mode.”

– Unknown

“When nothing is going right, go left.”

– Unknown

“My neighbour’s diary says that I have boundary issues.”

– Unknown

“My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.”

– Unknown

“Well at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.”

– Unknown

“I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you today.”

– Unknown

“Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.”

– Unknown

“No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.”

– Unknown

“Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.”

– Unknown

“Shut your mouth when you’re talking to me.”

– Unknown

“Sometimes I meet people and feel bad for their dog.”

– Unknown

“Sure, I’ll help you out… the same way you came in.”

– Unknown

“You play the victim. I’ll play the disinterested bystander.”

– Unknown

“I’ll try being nicer, if you try being smarter.”

– Unknown

“I’m not crazy! The voices tell me I am entirely sane.”

– Unknown

Funny Sarcastic Quote

Being sarcastic can be seen as being low in your life, but who cares! Sarcasm is actually a trait that is taken as a sign of intelligence as per some scientific surveys. Just imagine how crafty you have to be to always have a come-back if someone passes some unwarranted remarks. It is creativity at its best. So tread on carefully and read on these funny quotes about everyday life, that will surely make you say “So true”, well, because they are. Take a break and dive into the world of amusement with these sarcastic quotes.

please forgive me

“Please forgive me if I don’t talk too much at times. It’s loud enough in my mind.”

– Unknown

“Oops!! Sorry I didn’t respond to your text. I answered it in my head, and thought it was in real life.”

– Unknown

“Life is not a fairy tale. If you lose your shoe at midnight, you’re drunk.”

– Unknown

“Next time a stranger talk to you when you’re alone, just look at them shocked, and whisper, “You can see me?”.”

– Unknown

“Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.”

– Unknown

“All the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal, or fattening.”

– Alexander Woollcott

“At every party, there are two kinds of people – those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.”

– Ann Landers

“The world is full of magical things, patiently waiting for our wits to grow sharper.”

– Bertrand Russell

“When people ask me stupid questions, it is my legal obligation to give a sarcastic remark.”

– Unknown

“I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.”

– Unknown

“Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.”

– Unknown

“I am busy right now; can I ignore you some other time?”

– Unknown

“Do you think God gets stoned? I think so… look at the platypus.”

– Robin Williams

“If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.”

– Unknown

“I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face but with words.”

– Unknown

“Life’s good, you should get one.”

– Unknown

“Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.”

– Unknown

“I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.”

– Unknown

“I’m sorry while you were talking, I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.”

– Unknown

“Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.”

– Ashleigh Brilliant

Funny Friendship Quotes

Friendship is the most sacred of bonds we build with entirely unknown people in our lives. Best friends are the ones who take you to those heights that could have never been possible on your own. An ode to the sacred bond, read on these quotes to give an entirely new meaning to the unique alliance.

True friends don’t judge each other

“True friends don’t judge each other, they judge other people… together.”

– Unknown

“Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.”

– Unknown

“Strangers think I’m quiet. My friends think I’m out-going. My best friend knows I’m completely insane.”

– Unknown

“Finding friends with the same mental disorder as you… PRICELESS!”

– Unknown

“Our phones fall; we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.”

– Unknown

“I will text you 50 times in a row and feel no shame. You’re my friend. You literally signed up for this.”

– Unknown

“I was innocent; then my best friend came along.”

– Unknown

“We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… after I finish laughing.”

– Unknown

“Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, sarcasm, inappropriateness and shenanigans.”

– Unknown

“If you have friends who are as weird as you, then you have everything.”

– Unknown

“I’d take a bullet for you. Not in the head. But like in the leg or something.”

– Unknown

“Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.”

– Unknown

“You don’t have to be crazy to be my friend. I’ll train you.”

– Unknown

“I hope we’re friend until we die. Then I hope we stay ghost friends and walk-through walls and scare the shit out of people.”

– Unknown

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”

– Bernard Meltzer

“A good friend will help you move. But best friend will help you move a dead body.”

– Jim Hayes

“I don’t know what’s tighter: our jeans or our friendship.”

– Unknown

“It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them.”

– Ralph Waldo Emerson

“We’ve been friends for so long, I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.”

– Unknown

“Tis the privilege of friendship to talk nonsense, and to have her nonsense respected.”

– Charles Lamb

Funny Office Quotes

Just like adding spices to your food gives them the deliciousness, adding a bit of sarcasm and wit to your mundane job can give it the much-needed spark. We spend 1/3rd of our lives in our offices working a 9-5 Job. It is very common for you to feel uninspired some days. It is possible to be bogged down with loads of work and multitude of worries to complete the deadline. Reading through some of the hilarious office quotes sometimes can help reduce the burden and help you forget the extremities at work.

my boss said i intimidate

“My boss said I intimidate my co-workers. I stared at him until he apologized.”

– Unknown

“If you think your boss is stupid, remember; you wouldn’t have a job if he was smarter.”

– Albert Grant

“His insomnia was so bad, he couldn’t sleep during office hours.”

– Arthur Baer

“Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.”

– Patrick Murray

“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everyone to tell me the truth–even if it costs him his job.”

– Samuel Goldwyn

“Any organization is like a septic tank. The really big chunks rise to the top.”

– John Imhoff

“Do not underestimate your abilities. That is your boss’s job.”

– Unknown

“People are still willing to do an honest day’s work. The trouble is they want a week’s pay for it.”

– Joey Adams

“I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.”

– Anonymous

“Conway’s Law: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on – This person must be fired.”

– Anonymous

“The world is divided into people who do things–and people who get the credit.”

– Dwight Morrow

“I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.”

– Charles Lamb

“Work is the curse of the drinking classes.”

– William Archibald Spooner

“One of the symptoms of an approaching nervous breakdown is the belief that one’s work is terribly important.”

– Bertrand Russell

“If hard work is the key to success, most people would rather pick the lock.”

– Claude McDonald

“Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.”

– Anonymous

“Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?”

– Edgar Bergen

“Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, “Certainly, I can!” Then get busy and find out how to do it.”

– Theodore Roosevelt

“If you tell the boss, you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.”

– Cannon’s Law

“The remaining work to finish in order to reach your goal increases as the deadline approaches.”

– Bove’s Theorem

Form an allegiance with laughter and remain healthy and happy always. Have a good time reading these quotes, and let the smile linger on and spread it in the world.